Movie Talks Archives

Posted by: NotKeyserSoze at January 21, 2003, 3:48 pm

Topic: Reviews: Pearl Harbor Forum: JoBlo

First things first: I haven't always hated Ben Affleck. He was okay in Armageddon, but it was this big ugly mess that propelled him to superstardom. He was in this movie for the same reason Leo was in Titanic. Because he's a pretty face. So he can wave the flag, go on about what's right and wrong, get stuck in a "why do we care?" love triangle and save the day, but of course! Oh, and somewhere along the line Pearl Harbor, and the nasty death of many an unsuspecting sailor, enters into it. This isn't a big factor of course - our attentions are apparently directed towards Affleck and his womanly problem. Which is of course more important... Hollywood has rarely been able to tell a historical story without relating it to a love story. But when your protagonists are Affleck (dyslexic, despite his love-letter writing later in the film), Josh Hartnett (Naive, irritating "younger brother" sort of character) and Kate Beckinsale (no more than a pretty face), it's difficult to give a monkeys about who does what with whom. There's simply a hideous perspective about this whole movie... this incident results in the death of so many, and we're being asked to devote our thoughts to three wooden artificial people. Give me Saving Private Ryan any day. In essense, this does to the historical event what Independence Day did to world equity. I.e, "This is how the americans join the war." Not a lot of mention of who was bleeding and dying the several years previous. No, this is america's entry, this is when the war REALLY started. How about no, Hollywood. Various people get aimless cameos. Cuba Gooding Junior is "guy on boat with gun." Rather pointless, to name one. And the story ends with an attack on Tokyo, to give American viewers their token happy ending. Well, it just wouldn't do to end the film with Hiroshima, america's proper retaliation, resulting in the death and mutilation of many, many more than at Pearl Harbor, for years to come... Of course an attempt is made to humanize the "nasty" Japanese folk. One of them mutters something about "if we were clever we wouldn't be at war." But then he goes ahead with it and bombs the Harbor to hell and back. Lots of nice effects, lots of boats going bang... for about 45 minutes. It's excruciating. Then more love triangle nonsense, then the attack on Tokyo. Watches will be checked. Histories will be checked. Money will be requested back. It's your traditional bastardization of history, in the favour of some gooey love scenes, Ben Affleck posing and some big effect for people who like to see big things go bang. It's hard to care about any of it, and the attack itself seems like a rather optimistic account anyway. Lots of retaliation happens that didn't, lots of guns are toted and lots of "Take that, varmint!" sort of lines are spouted. It's garbage. Incidentally, the most expensive garbage in many, many years. Thank God a lot of people noticed and this nonsense flopped at the box office. Please Hollywood, leave war movies to those who can traverse a 12 rating. 2/10

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