Movie Talks Archives

Posted by: Aaron at June 24, 2002, 12:11 pm
Topic: Reviews: The Bourne Identity Forum: JoBlo
come on people, this was such a stupid movie. so stupid. i mean, OK, the plot is completely unoriginal (robert ludlum completely ripped off la femme nakita, not to mention the long kiss goodnight), but thats a given. i mean, its OK for a movie not to be original, as long as its entertaining. but this movie was just shit. ok ok ok, it wasnt all bad: the fight scenes were pretty solid, matt damon wasnt as bad as i expected him to be, and there was the awsome line: 'hell, even nicki could kill him' (in yo face bitch!). aside from that, this movie licked balls. first of all, there is a plot hole the size of tom hanks' jowls: why was the CIA (or whatever the fuck agency it was) trying to kill matt damon? why? WHY? it doesnt make sense! why werent they just like, 'oh, your back. hows it goin?'. i mean, they had no beef with him--he was just doing his job. second, what the fuck? why no t&a? i mean, why even have a romantic angle in a dumn movie like this if your not gonna show anything. and i know i know, its a PG13 movie and they werent about to keep out all the youngins by making it R, but still . . . i mean, after i saw this movie, i realized i had no idea what the chick's tits were like at all. they never even showed her tits clothed, let alone naked. i mean, why? at least--at the very least!--have some cleavage shots, or a shot of her in her bra. its not like the movie was that long . . . couldnt they have included at least one scene of them kickin it? feeeehck. next gripe: the chase scene was not that good. im sorry, i know a lot of people liked it, but considering the fact that they're hyping it up so much ("a chase scene that rivals the french conncection" declare the previews. my ass), it just wasnt that spectacular. i mean, minicoopers are cool in a retro kinda way, but ill take the fuckin Audi S8 from Ronin any day. this movie really didnt have enough action (violent or sexual) to make it a solid summer thriller, but it also lacked the plot and intrigue(i mean, come on, 40% of the movie was matt damon whining, 20% was him and the chick talking, 20% was that nicki chick getting yelled at and making posters, and 19% was that dude in washington going 'ill clean it up' and the other dude going 'clean it up!' with the remaining 1% devoted to action and plot advancement) of a good spy movie. i mean, honestly, this movie doesnt really have a plot at all--its just matt damon running around without an aim, and the cia hunting him for no reason. ok, enough for now. if you want a good spy movie, go rent sex commandos 2 (oh man thats sweet) cause this one licks my brother's ass. peace

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