Movie Talks Archives

Posted by: X-Nightcrawler at March 14, 2004, 11:44 pm

Topic: Reviews: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Forum: JoBlo

Minor Spoilers Throughout. "The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen" (2003) Plot: When the world is in danger, a team of unique people (actually, characters I loved but were turned shit) are summoned to try and stop it . . . that's fucking it. What I Thought: "The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen" Whew . . . only reading/typing the title is a huge bore, I think that will settle this review perfectly. I was expecting a round zero only by looking at the trailer and when I finally let myself see it, I have to say I got nothing, not even a dissapointment. Not a good way to start my weekend . . . puke! I will start off with the thin 'I liked's' of the movie. This movie had very few things I could give to it. As you probably know, this one is based on a graphic novel (comic) and it really shows, so if you crave cartoonish and over decorated vehicles and gadgets (which I didn't buy by the way . . . what the fuck's with the 'exploration pod'?) you might get some of that candy here. The flick also doesn't hold back some pretty cool Special and Make up effects ('Hyde' (the first) looked awesome) this could be a visual treat to some (the ones that aren't extremely pissed), decent atmosphere . . . hopefully you won't mind a totally idiotic script, dumb narrating and an extremely dumb ending (*Spoilers* Africa won't let him die! Get it? Clever...not! *End Spoilers*). Ok, first off the fucking characters, I thought 'What the fuck' when I saw Mina Harker, Tom Sawyer, Dorian Gray and Dr. Jenkyll in the same frame! I never read the comic (I am not a comic book reader) and that's probably how it went but I yelled 'Blasphemy!' at the screen!! I never cared to see the further adventures of such a tragic figure such as Dr. Jenkyll so don't give me this shit! If you ever wanted to see how Hollywood (or some dimwit I already hate that made the comic) can destroy novel characters from Romanticism (don't quote me but to my knowledge, Mina Harker never turned into a vamp) and others . . . this is your fucking chance! God, please . . . I want to die. They all have stereotypes for personalities . . . and what were they thinking when they tried to develop them? Yeah, let's give a fucking block for one character alone . . . as if the movie wasn't boring enough already. It doesn't help much to have a thin lead and have one of the main characters dissapear for such a long period of time. And the bad guy! He's even got a 'skull' rod . . . cute. How am I supposed to fear the baddie if he looks like such a joke. The script is also one weak mo fo, began ok with a few action sequences (overlong and slow making the bore factor go even higher) but grew slower and slower in the middle for one overlong and way too stupid climax . . . not to mention the final frames (god! the final frames!). First of all, some of the dialogue was too cheesy and what's the point of having such a slow action-free first hour? The first hour is almost the recluting alone! Then the script totally lost me (so they didn't see the bombs in the ship . . . ooh! Smart). The climax with the baddies, Alan and Tom had also it's share of idiocy, the dude flies with his cape and Alan can't shoot because someone shattered his glasses, wait! you taught him to shoot earlier remember? There you go. I also didn't care for the 'son' subplot, totally useless . . . Acting: I thought this could be savable since the casting is decent but Alas . . . Sean Connery clearly didn't want to act in this piece of shit, something tells me that he only wanted to get it over with and collect his very high $$ check. Everyone else does from ok to bland and bad . . . I don't want to speak more of it. The directing went from OK to avarage to poor. There were a couple of moments where I gave most props to the director (the rainy and dark atmosphere was the shite) but then he lost me. Some totally out of place fast framed shots and narrations, or even the looks or first appearance of the bad guy . . . the narration was slow, tedious and way boring. In the end, I didn't only dislike this movie, I hated it and I left the theater pissed because I wasted a few hours of my life (which I could've used to watch better movies) with what I could call the worst movie of 2003. Gore: There is some blood but very light, not much was needed though. We see a couple of vampire bites, an impaling, someone aging to death (shades of Indiana Jones) and some gunshot wounds. "3/10", boring, stupid and at times even annoying and unrespectful. You may get some fresh bites off this movie but I didn't, I know I'm not watching it again . . . ever.

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