| Everyone in the whole world likes this film. Some 31,244 people who voted at imdb.com seem to think that this is the best film of all time. Critics world-wide have claimed this film to be a timeless masterpiece! I know these are strange times, but has everyone gone completely nuts?? For some sad, sad reason, I watch almost every film that comes out. I would say there is about a 60% possibility that any given film will make me scream to my friends: "How the hell can you sit here and watch this?" I feel like doing this on average, about 3 times a film. In Fellowship, I felt like doing it about 10 times. (This might reflect the film's running time of 9 hours, 35 minutes) I have many, many beefs with this movie, but I don't want to boooore u, so here are a few: 1. Who would follow Elijah Wood anywhere? Not only that, he's 4 feet tall and his best friend is Rudy. 2. Why would the army spawned from the most evil power in all of history, be so fuckin useless? Sure, they look real mean, but did you see how easy they went down? A fuckin dwarf took one out. And Link (Legalus) killed about 400 with one sack of arrows. 3. A direct quote from the film and my reaction to it: Movie: So, Elijah, what city with a dumb-ass name are you leading us to now, so you can take up an hour of our time looking at mountains and touching your ring? Me: We did that last hour! Fuck! 4. Me: Holy shit it's 1:14 AM! Didn't we park the car at like 9? This theater only validates for 4 hours! You know how much parking is gonna cost??? Fuckin dwarfs. 5. Me: Alrite, Liv Tyler, finally a women to look at. (10 seconds pass...) Ow, her white glare radiating from her skin is giving me a headache. I will never watch Fellowship again. When I get married and have a kid, and that kid grows up, and one day I catch the kid doing drugs at school or impregnating his girlfriend, his punishment is to watch this movie. You wanna waste 3 and a half hours of your life? Eat some shrooms and play with a kaliedoscope. Don't see this movie. Peace out. |