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Posted by: Jedi at June 14, 2003, 6:39 am

Topic: Reviews: The Sweetest Thing Forum: JoBlo

The Sweetest Thing 2/10 It’s really so difficult for me to write a review about this “thing” that I “witnessed” a couple of days ago. And what I witnessed was supposed to be called a “movie”. Well, maybe I should call it a movie too as it has a director, a producer, a writer and a cast of lovely actors led by the ever-charming Cameron Diaz. Only that Diaz is neither lovely nor charming as Christina, one of the most hideous female characters in recent memory. She might be hot; she might be sexy (and she is, actually) BUT she couldn’t help this disaster from being anything rather than, erm, a disaster. So, what is it all about? It’s about three girls, played by Diaz, Selma Blair and Christina Applegate, who are playful and bouncing from one man to another seeking the fun of the moment. The film starts when Jane (Blair) breaks up with some guy and is so depressed. She is taken by Christina and Courtney (Applegate) to some bar to cheer her up. Christina wants to hook a guy for Jane so she grabs a young man’s ass (yes, really!) and the man gets upset. Here we meet Peter (Thomas Jane) who will take Christina’s attention as he’s handsome and well behaved. We also meet his brother Roger (Jason Bateman) and we know that the latter’s wedding will be held soon. Anyways, Christina goes home alone and she has a dream about Peter giving her some oral pleasure (!!!). She wakes up and decides that this guy is really worth it and that she must go and find him. So, she heads away with Courtney to find the man who will break the rule of hooking only “Mr. Right Now” and be “Mr. Right”. If that doesn’t sound too silly for you then I should mention some of the incidents our two girls will face on their way, or some of Jane’s adventures while her two friends are away. Where should I start? Take a scene when Christina and Courtney wants to go to the lady’s room and find it busy so they enter a men’s bathroom where Courtney will try her best to “pee” while she’s standing without wetting her hands and Christina will get a penis in her eye when she looks from a hole in the wall. Or take another scene when those two come back home to find ambulance and police cars blocking the way to their apartment because Jane was stuck with her friend’s penis in her throat because he has a piercing and the whole lot of people start singing for them to relax them and solve the problem!! Or maybe I should mention the infamous “Penis” song: when the three leads start talking about how they tell every guy they meet that his tool is wonderful, and soon they will be taken into a dance number, along with all the people in the restaurant where it happens, with lyrics like “my body is the movie.. your penis is the star!!!”. Writer Nancy Pimental has serious sexual and psychological problems I assume, for never in my life have I witnessed a script so obsessed about something as I’ve seen in her script. WHY in God’s name should this piece of crap be turned into a movie? It is NOT funny. It is NOT amusing. It is NOT a script. Personally I don’t have a problem with a gross out comedy and I did enjoy American Pie so much because it was about three naiive teen boys trying desperately to get laid. I felt for them in a sense or another and all the sexual tension in that film comes from the simplicity and ignorance of the young men, while here we have three grown up women who are behaving like real prostitutes and we’re supposed to believe that their motivations are based on LOVE! I didn’t care about any of the characters and at some moment I wished they just all go and kill themselves and let me rest in piece. They are extremely shallow and one-dimensional. There’s no development of any kind in the script even with the “plot twist” near the end because it was as bad as the rest of it. Director Roger Kumble doesn’t have any sort of control over his leads. They come and go and do whatever they think it’s funny and he grabs his crew to film all of their nonsense. Maybe he was ruled over by the studio and maybe he just enjoyed being the male in a very dirty female flick? I can’t understand. Really, this movie is too bad to be true. There’s never a memorable scene, a nice set piece, a remarkable camera movement.. NOTHING. All the performances were weak. The ladies were thinking they were cute but they were just stupid (I’m so sad to include Cameron Diaz in this). And the guys seemed to be lost in this whole game of absurdity. “The Sweetest Thing” is said to be a comedy, and I swear to God I didn’t smile for even a second during its mercifully short 85 minutes running time. Want my word? Avoid it..

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